Updated: Aug 21, 2018
Relationships can be difficult, and many times the closer we are to someone, the greater the likelihood that conflict will arise. This friction in our relationships can either temper them or wear them down until they break. This post will be the first in a series setting out some rules to follow when things get heated with your loved one. If we communicate honestly and lovingly, friction can be a good thing!
How many times have you been in the midst of an “intense moment of fellowship” with your loved one and they just don’t seem to be understanding what you’re saying? Or maybe they understand completely and they are simply unwilling to budge from their decision/perspective. As frustration and mistrust towards the other person rises in such situations, a strategy often used is to make comments with the sole intent to hurt our loved one. The thought process is that a good attack will yield a retreat or surrender by the enemy, right?
First off, look at the motive for such comments: to harm or frighten the “enemy.” It is no stretch to say that if we’re taking the time to discuss such matters with someone we have some significant relationship with them. And if this is true, why would we then treat them as an enemy to harm or frighten. The only outcome can be that they will become a true enemy or they will not remain significant.
Secondly, look at the outcome of this tactic. Drawing a weapon and attacking someone NEVER ends well for the relationship. The person you’ve attacked will either withdraw, not from just the situation, but the relationship as a whole, or worse yet, will pick up their own weapons and engage in counter attack. In either case, where has peace and understanding gone? You cannot sign a treaty while holding a sword.
The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences. – Proverbs 18:21
If you desire life for your relationships even in times of conflict, follow this Rule to Fuss By: Never make a comment for the purpose of causing hurt!